And we're waiting...

on our I-800.  This is basically getting the U.S to approve of our match with our little girl.  (LOA comes from China.)  If it comes by Sept 30th I'll be tickled.  I would love to just be average this time around waiting on paperwork.  Early would be lovely, don't get me wrong.  I'm just shooting for normal. 

I have no exciting news to share.  I did count up the averages for the next steps which would put us at an estimated travel approval on November 18th.  That is really pushing it for any kind of realistic expectations of traveling in November, as we'd have to get our consulate appt pretty quickly.  It all still feels like pie in the sky to me now, after waiting 4 months on our LOA. 

We've sent 2 albums to our Jada, and oh I pray they let her see them...let her see us!  I am working on a CD to send now, and I need to buy more stickers to send.  Hope has several pictures ready to send her sister.  She wishes it only cost $1 to fly to China, then she would get to go too! 

I just read Shanghai Girls, by Lisa See.  It is laced with such drama and heartache, based on true accounts of life for the Chinese people in the 1930's, 40's & 50's.  No matter where they lived, China or the U.S., they lived with constant fear!  I love the historical fiction though.  You can learn so much that way.

I will finally go to bed now, my sweet Jada.  It's these late hours that I get a chance to just think about you and pray for you.  Jesus, please let her know she is loved.  Please prepare her heart for us, and for You.  In Jesus' Name, Amen

Thank You Jesus! L.O.A. after 125 days!!!

LOA

I can't believe it is finally here!  125 long days of waiting.  Sigh.  I'm really more relieved than excited.  I was just starting to have fleeting thoughts that China was going to take one look at us and decide that we weren't going to make the cut.  I thought about how cruel it would be to let us dangle for 4 months just to tell us "NO."  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but also have been sick for about 4 days, so sweet relief is just as good as excitement right now!  Aaahhhhhhh.  Thank you Jesus.  I don't know why, but this was the timing He wanted for us to begin the rest of this paperwork process.  Oh Lord, may the rest of this go quickly!  Please prepare our girl for the major life change ahead of her!

LOA=Lots of Alleluias! 

Warning: Bitter Tirade to Follow

I read a question on an adoption forum today...it was about an LOA.  This innocent woman asked what color ink she should sign it with.  Without any personal LOA experience, I still feel with a great deal of certainty I could have helped her with that problem.  However, nothing nice was coming to mind.  (I should mention that she has waited less than 2 months for her LOA.)  I wanted to tell her where she could stick that pen of hers, or reply with a question like, "I still haven't gotten my LOA, what color pen should I ...."  You can fill in the blank there, as I let myself get too carried away.  I really couldn't simply tell the woman that black ink was safest, use that.  No.  So I was careful to leave the forum quickly, to keep myself from falling any further!  I am honestly happy for her in a logical sense.  No child, or parent for that matter, needs to wait in my opinion.  But emotionally, I could not rejoice with her.  Shame on me.  I do mean and feel that too.  What if this is her first little one?!  How can my position even compare to the longing she feels?  I am ashamed that I'm so impatient that I'm finding it difficult to be gracious. 

I will say that I still think it was a silly question!  Oh, and it's day 110.  And my time of testing continues.  Today was an indicator for how I'm not allowing enough of God's mindset to reign in my heart.

107

I have nothing new to share.  I'm still here waiting and Jada is still in China and China is still holding my LOA captive!  So really, they're holding my Jada captive too!  See how easy it would be for me to get all twisted up with some less than healthy thinking!  The reality is that I have no idea why this is taking so long and neither does Holt.  This could still take another 3 weeks, according to some hearsay. 

I'm sad, and weary.  But this is starting to get laughable.  Is God smiling, thinking to Himself, "if she only knew what I had going on here...." ?  I never was in control here.  God always was.  He always IS.  Am I starting to get it?  Am I finally reconciling myself to this wait 3 1/2 months in?  I hope so, but tomorrow may be a different story.  God please help me to wait on You patiently.

I did get some pretty wonderful news today though.  I am going to be an aunt again!  I'll take that kind of news any day!  A brand new little heart is beating.  Praise You Jesus!

104

Maybe all of my titles should just be numbers.  This whole stinking process is waiting, waiting and more waiting.  I don't mind the paperwork.  At least I feel like I'm doing something to get our daughter home.  But once again that is all done for this go around.

Sigh.  It's been 104 days (since our provisional approval) in our wait for our letter of acceptance from China.

And now I fear we won't even travel this YEAR to get our Jada.  I think I may actually be doing better with the waiting, or is it just that I'm starting to think this will never happen and I'm shutting down?  Oh God, help me to keep waiting with hope...with xi wang.

97 Days

But really, who's counting?!  I'm still attempting to remind myself that God is in control, even if we miss out on the 2011 tax credit and bring our girl home in 2012....who needs $12,000 to help pay for an adoption anyway?  It's contributing to our country's financial meltdown anyway!

But mostly, it's about this girl...

There's this sweet little face on the other side of the world, and God is going to entrust her to us!  I want the job now!  I know, I know.  We know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him.  If He seems to be delaying this process it's for our good and His glory.  He will show Himself faithful.  I will realize once again that I can do nothing without God.  Without His timing, all of it will fall apart including me!  This is really His little girl, His adoption, His money.  He will provide and I will wait for Him.  God has never let me down before.  With that said, He doesn't always do what I'd like, when I'd like it.  Actually it rarely happens that way.  So I ask again, God, would you change my heart and mind so that I will dream the dreams You have for me?

Nothing New

I still have no news to share.  I STILL HAVE NO. NEWS. TO. SHARE!  Aack!  This is day 94, and it's Saturday so it'll be day 96 before there's even a chance of LOA news.  I need to stop thinking it will come, but other people are starting to get theirs and well I can't fight this small twinge of hope that keeps tormenting me!  I can't wait to meet this little girl that I've prayed for and dreamed about for the last year and a half!

She's so cute, and needs a mama!  Here am I Lord!  Send me!!!