Thursday, September 29, 2011


Hmmmmm #2

Okay, this may be totally silly, but I'm thinking I need a picture of "Debbie Downer" from SNL in my living room.  My cousin (thank you Traci!) just commented that we should NOT hang out right now as we'd totally be Debbie Downers together!  Now that's funny stuff, and yet pretty stinkin' profound because I've been really low again, fighting off serious self-pity at the lack of paperwork coming my way.  I am having trouble thinking of any happy thoughts.  My mind attacks all of the imperfections in my children, my husband, my house, and especially myself. 
Something clicked for me though, when I thought of myself as Debbie Downer.  I get to adopt this little girl...this beautiful little girl!  Add to that, I will be leaving the continent and traveling the globe for the first time in my life.  I can't express how exciting that is to me!  We really should be traveling within a few months even if it won't be in 2011.  God is providing in amazing ways, and I do believe He has promised to take care of us even without the 2011 tax credit.  Oh, and I bought the cutest bright pink coat for my Jada last weekend, with a matching hat and mittens! 
I have so much to be thankful for, and really and truly no reason to fret.  And yet, even since I've started typing this, the sadness is creeping in again.  I want to get this little girl and bring her home.  Praise God that the Spirit can intercede for us with groans that words cannot express.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


I've tried twice to post something this evening, once on a blog and once on an adoption forum and it just wouldn't let me.  Am I just not suppose to say anything tonight?!  Is my dark and dreary mood just so bad that God is protecting others from my cynicism and frustration?!!!!!  Sigh.  I thought we had our I-800, but we don't.  Many others got theirs last week.  We didn't.  Why am I surprised?!!!!  Putting questions marks and exclamation points together is one of my favorite things to do these days.  There should be a separate kind of question mark that conveys emphatically questioning frustration. 

Twice recently I've read blogs testifying to God's sovereign, good plans that get played out ONLY after significant waits. 

And as I sit here, my sick-to-my-stomach, sad-longing-self just can't see it.  I know it in my head.  But I can't feel it in my heart, or see it with my eyes, that somehow my little Jada girl needs to wait to come home.  I pray, oh I pray, that this will somehow mold me into the kind of mama who will be long-suffering and understanding of the needs of this sweet girl that we haven't even begun to know.  Right now I feel like I've got a lost child, and they called me and told me they found her.  For some reason she ended up in China and I can't go retrieve her until the paperwork is completed.  I just hope I don't sob and gasp for air when we meet Jada, like I did when we found Adler after losing him in Walt Disney World.  He knew he didn't need to be afraid of me, but Jada might freak out if I act like that!  Okay, so I'm going to take my sore heart and go to bed now.  Jesus, please hold my little girl.

Friday, September 23, 2011

And we're waiting...

on our I-800.  This is basically getting the U.S to approve of our match with our little girl.  (LOA comes from China.)  If it comes by Sept 30th I'll be tickled.  I would love to just be average this time around waiting on paperwork.  Early would be lovely, don't get me wrong.  I'm just shooting for normal. 

I have no exciting news to share.  I did count up the averages for the next steps which would put us at an estimated travel approval on November 18th.  That is really pushing it for any kind of realistic expectations of traveling in November, as we'd have to get our consulate appt pretty quickly.  It all still feels like pie in the sky to me now, after waiting 4 months on our LOA. 

We've sent 2 albums to our Jada, and oh I pray they let her see them...let her see us!  I am working on a CD to send now, and I need to buy more stickers to send.  Hope has several pictures ready to send her sister.  She wishes it only cost $1 to fly to China, then she would get to go too! 

I just read Shanghai Girls, by Lisa See.  It is laced with such drama and heartache, based on true accounts of life for the Chinese people in the 1930's, 40's & 50's.  No matter where they lived, China or the U.S., they lived with constant fear!  I love the historical fiction though.  You can learn so much that way.

I will finally go to bed now, my sweet Jada.  It's these late hours that I get a chance to just think about you and pray for you.  Jesus, please let her know she is loved.  Please prepare her heart for us, and for You.  In Jesus' Name, Amen

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Thank You Jesus! L.O.A. after 125 days!!!

I can't believe it is finally here!  125 long days of waiting.  Sigh.  I'm really more relieved than excited.  I was just starting to have fleeting thoughts that China was going to take one look at us and decide that we weren't going to make the cut.  I thought about how cruel it would be to let us dangle for 4 months just to tell us "NO."  Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but also have been sick for about 4 days, so sweet relief is just as good as excitement right now!  Aaahhhhhhh.  Thank you Jesus.  I don't know why, but this was the timing He wanted for us to begin the rest of this paperwork process.  Oh Lord, may the rest of this go quickly!  Please prepare our girl for the major life change ahead of her!

LOA=Lots of Alleluias!