I haven't shared my blog with anyone. It seems that I share too much of how I am really feeling to let anyone (I actually know) read this! So if you do read this, it is likely we haven't met, and I can unashamedly say that this is painfully hard. This waiting to find out about our daughter is excruciatingly hard. How do people do this for 5 long years?! If you have, I salute you. You are a better woman than I.
Yes, I'm whining. Yes, I already have 4 beautiful, happy & healthy children. What is this longing, this unearthly desire to find a daughter from China? I can only explain it as God-given. He has laid this on my heart, and I couldn't release it if I tried. This is the culmination of a calling we received 8 years ago, nearly 9 years now. I don't want to eat or sleep. I'm dying to find out who our little girl is. How old is she? What is she like? How long has she been waiting?
This wait will likely only get harder after we know who she is. I try to tell myself this and be reasonable. But the truth is that we can't move forward until we know who she is. Our adoption process is now stalled.