More Paperwork

Well sweet girl, we sent off our placement agreement today, with some other adoption forms. 

• 3 notarized copies of the placement agreement
• Invoice for the adoption program fee & post placement visits
• Document Processing Information Form
• Travel Questionnaire
• Foreign Travel Release (notarized)
• DS-230 (Application for Immigrant Visa and Alien Registration)
• Passport photocopies
• Release of Information

Shew!  Every milestone brings a slew of paperwork to do!  And every time I think that has to be the end of it!  I'm thrilled that I got it all done, but it wasn't all back in 7 days like they (Holt) asked.  I would've been happier if it had gotten there last week.  But, notarizing things slows me down!  When, oh when, will we be able to come get you?!  It's looking like October, but God I'm praying it could be much sooner!

You should know that we were able to pay our $10,000 plus adoption program fee because of the wonderful support and gifts of our friends, family, and a matching grant from HandinHand!  So many people are looking forward to welcoming you home!  We love you and want you here, but so does our family and church community!  Never doubt that you belong here.  Oh I pray that you will grow up always knowing how much we all love you, but best of all, how much God loves you!

One Year

I just noticed that we sent our adoption application in one year ago tomorrow!  I had so many fears back then that we wouldn't be approved, that we would get turned down because we don't make enough money, or already had too many kids.  I was already so invested in this, it was as if I was searching for my own lost daughter.  And indeed I was.  At last we have found her!  Here she is, our Jada!

Oh little girl, I long to squeeze you and kiss those little cheeks!  You are perfectly beautiful!  I can't wait til we can come meet you and bring you home. 

Referral!!!

We got a call the very next day for a referral!  Oh how silly and impatient I am!  I knew it even then, but couldn't shake it.  Now I can tell my new daughter that as I sat there, crying (quite literally) about not getting a phone call about her, the phone rang.  It was my agency telling me they had a match for us!  On my husband's birthday!  A three year old little girl!  By the way, Laith has been saying he wants a 2-3 year old and I have said a 3-4 year old is what I want.  Perfect!  So anyway, she has had corrective surgery for her health issue and is otherwise perfectly healthy!  Praise the Lord!  It's like knowing there may be something wrong with your baby while you're pregnant, only to find out she's fine!  We were ready for much bigger issues to deal with, and we're thrilled that our daughter's prognosis is "excellent." 

She just had her birthday so I went shopping to celebrate!

Happy 3rd Birthday Jada!

Deeply excruciating wait.

I haven't shared my blog with anyone.  It seems that I share too much of how I am really feeling to let anyone (I actually know) read this!  So if you do read this, it is likely we haven't met, and I can unashamedly say that this is painfully hard.  This waiting to find out about our daughter is excruciatingly hard.  How do people do this for 5 long years?!  If you have, I salute you. You are a better woman than I.

Yes, I'm whining.  Yes, I already have 4 beautiful, happy & healthy children.  What is this longing, this unearthly desire to find a daughter from China?  I can only explain it as God-given.  He has laid this on my heart, and I couldn't release it if I tried.  This is the culmination of a calling we received 8 years ago, nearly 9 years now.  I don't want to eat or sleep.  I'm dying to find out who our little girl is.  How old is she?  What is she like?  How long has she been waiting?

This wait will likely only get harder after we know who she is.  I try to tell myself this and be reasonable.  But the truth is that we can't move forward until we know who she is.  Our adoption process is now stalled.

Brooke Fraser - Albertine video

This song has inspired me and spurred me on.  It also conveys my longing...

LID and waiting

We were logged in with China as of 3/31/2011!  That's great!  However, now we're waiting for a referral.  The referral is the real deal.  We find out who our little girl is with the referral.  Today was a release from China of a shared list of children that need to be adopted.  I've heard of three people so far that have gotten called and we have not.  It's 5:09pm and we didn't get called.  No call.  Nothing.

I'd love to say I'm okay with this, but I'm so flipping out on the inside.  Just because we didn't get called, doesn't mean we won't this month, but we may have to wait for the next release.  Or the next, or the next.  Did I mention they only come out once a month?!  AAAck!  My impatience is hitting a fever pitch.  Oh Lord God, help me to handle this gracefully.  I'm not feeling very calm, cool, or collected right now.

The logical part of me understands that we are waiting for God's perfect will here.  That includes the perfect match and perfect timing.  The emotional side is screaming "NOW!"  She has waited for us long enough!  Sigh. 

We're waiting with you little Xi Wang.  We long to know your name and stare at your picture until we can see you face to face.  You are loved and you are wanted.

DTC #2

So we are officially DTC and waiting to be LID.  (The dossier has been sent to China, but doesn't have a log in date yet.)  Have I mentioned my struggle with impatience?  Maybe I wallow rather than struggle with it.  Altogether possible.  Ugh.  How can we get matched if we don't get logged in?!  Huh?  It's been a whole week already.  That's sarcasm, in case my tone didn't come across.

This may take a while, this matching of parents & child.  I fear that everyone else in this process is completely unaware of the imaginary timeline I have laid out in my head.  Surely they must see the logic in traveling in September.  If we don't get matched soon though, that will be impossible.  (October is a bad time for China with some market thing going on, plus one of my son's birthdays.  November is Thanksgiving.  December is 500 family birthdays and Christmas.)  So September it is!  Later only enters my thoughts in nightmares. 

I will concede that God is in control of all of this.  He will send us to China in His timing, which will be best for all involved.  You know Father, and I choose to trust you.  Please, please, let us go quickly to get her.  I will continue to ask, knowing you love me enough to tell me no.